Sunday, September 17, 2017

I Can Be Who I AM

Learning from Ground Today

I can be who I am
I don't need to hide anymore

The soul that was born in this present time has had to shift and change to be accepted

I don't need to do this anymore
I can change - but this time it will be to be me

I can see me now 
I can see me... 

I can see my essence

Free Sprit
Dancer
Artist

I am kind, loving, generous, creative and amazing. :) 

I can be who I am now. 
I can be who I am. 

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Blue Sky

We've had some gorgeous days here in Toronto. It's that time just after summer and going into Fall when the leaves are beginning to turn, when its not quite cold enough for a jacket, and the air is crisp but not too cold.

And the sky!

The sky is a clear blue sometimes with dancing clouds and sometimes with none at all.
The sun shines bright but gentle and there are leaves on the trees and flowers in gardens.

It's a beautiful time.


And yet, in other places hurricanes have washed out homes, people are stranded and the sky is gray and angry. It's hard to hold these two realities together. Maybe its hard if you try to find an answer or need to be comfortable. I want to experience the joy of a beautiful sky. I can't seem to do it without thinking of those who don't have this sky today. Can I think of them and still enjoy the sky?

Maybe that is what I must learn. 

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

The Light Came in This Morning


I've had a tumultuous past couple of days. I had a great time at Ground on Sunday. I was able to see again, believe again, and had the sense that I was home. It was a beautiful experience.

Later that evening we had to look at our financial situation and I began to sink. I began to question my work, my choices, my ability to function in the world... it was not good.

This life I have chosen is not easy. And the truth is I am not even completely sure what this life is. I know what it is not and maybe that's where I need to begin. I do have a vague sense of what it is and maybe it's time to articulate that more so I can see.

I spent the next couple of days despairing and sinking.

This morning I woke up and came into the living room and there it was.

Light.

Light on my paintings, on our floor, on our bookshelf, in our living room... and I stopped. And I could see again. I could see that the space I lived in was beautiful. I could see that I was working on my painting. I could see that we are building a life together and we have been for a while now. I could see that I had everything I needed and I was home.

Yes, there is darkness, and sadness, and despair but every now and then the light comes in and reminds me that it is there too.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

I am Home

Learning from Ground:

I am home 
I have everything I need
I am doing everything I want to do

This was a big moment for me. I have been feeling a little homeless these past couple of years. Moving to another country is difficult even though I love it here. I still long for the comfort of the familiar. For people I have known all my life. For ways to speak and dress that are not recently acquired.

I don't believe I would be home if I moved back "home". This has made it worse - this alienation. This foreign-ness. I often feel terribly alone.

At Ground today that moved. I looked around at the other dancers and I felt at home. I don't know any of them but the freedom and trust that was present in our dance made me feel like I was home.

I am home. I am home in this county. I am home at Ground. I am home in my apartment. I am home when I paint and draw. I am home with my husband. I am home in my body.

Maybe that's what it was. I was finally home in my body.

I am home in me. And it's good. 

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Sunshine


This was this morning.
This reminded me of Sunshine by John Denver. So I played his music which reminded me of my childhood and my father who used to introduced me to John Denver's music along with other 70's pop and country music. I still enjoy it.