Saturday, December 31, 2011

And another year is up

At the end of every year I like to go over the past one. I think its important to remember. Or else we just plain forget! I didn't blog very much this year but so much has happened... like any year I suppose. I guess the biggest thing is that we moved to Toronto... something we've been wanting to do for a while now. My husband has found a school that he feels at home with and is studying and enjoying it. I have been wanting to live in another country for while now and just explore new places and spaces and so that has happened. I like it here. I like that we are just the two of us. It brings us closer. I like that there are four seasons here and we can mark the changes. I loved fall and I like the winter so far. I love the snow... yes yes... everyone says I will be sick of it soon... but for someone who has  lived 31 years in a city with no snow I think I can handle a few months for now.

At the beginning of 2011 I started my business... Happy Turtle. I had found my calling. :) I was going to be a quilter. I obsessed about fabric and quilting and so enjoyed it. Since September I haven't been able to quilt... no machine, no space, no money. But, I was at the Creativ Festival and the North York Quilters Guild Quilt Show and that was great. I won a fat quarter in a giveaway! Very surprising! I bought some fabric and love it. I have been given an old sewing machine which I need to work on a bit to get it into shape but its a great gift. So I hope I can do more in the coming year.

I am more prepared to be here at this point in my life than I was before. I am more at peace with myself, more accepting, more trusting, more calm, more joyful :). I don't get as depressed as I used to and I don't worry as much. Little things don't upset me and I am able to look ahead with hope. It's interesting... I have never had as little as I do now in terms of actually resources and yet I am not as worried as I was when I did have more! Maybe this is what peace is. What trust is.

There is much to be learned yet. And that will come. But I am better for having lived 2011. And I am grateful for having survived it.

We lost people this year. Young people. A friend who was 36 and a church member who was 40. And older people - an uncle who was 84 (I think). I don't know what to make of it. I don't know why it happens. Why mothers have to see their children die before them. Why young wives are left alone with two young children to care for.  How does one live when death strikes early? 36 and 40 are not too far away from 32... death is real and knocking at the door it seems. How do we prepare for it? How do we live with it?

My husband has been ill since we came here and we had to consider that something more severe than an infection might be present. So far it has been ok, but what if? Our lives go on with hopes and fears. One never without the other.

Still, we are here today and must make the most of it.

I am grateful for the past year. And, I look forward to the next with all the hope and fear!